A Parting Gift

I think my students wanted to make me really happy just before I abandoned them to a new teacher. You know, make me miss them all the more? Your average group of kids might have tried to accomplish this by acing the final test--go out with a real Bang!, if you will. My kids are not average. No, my kids go above and beyond such mundane ideas. Rather than acing the Revolutionary War test, they went one better. They gave some of the most hilarious, unexplainable, and flat-out WRONG answers I've seen in a long while. One even scored a whopping 14%.

Bless them.

So I thought I'd share a few of them with all of you. Merry Christmas, from my students to you!

Q: Who were the important people on the British side of the war? Name at least 3.
A: "Corn Walish"

A: "Nathaniel Greene; Calvin Klein"

A: "The three important people were George Washington."

Q: What was the last battle of the Revolutionary War?
A: "Battle of the Titans"

Q: How did the British Parliament respond to the Boston Tea Party?
A: "They were very upset because they were getting better ideas."

[I assume the second "they" means the people of Boston...?]

Q: What happened at the Boston Massacre?
A: "Benedict Arnold went around the city warning people that the British were coming."

Q: What were the major difficulties facing the Continental Army?
A: “Continental Army had a peninsula that they were on.”

A: “Never stopped coming (popping in)”

[The answer did, in fact, include the mysterious parenthetical statement just as I typed it.]

Q: How did colonists react to the Stamp Act?
A: "They formed the brothers and sisters of liberty."

A: "They protested and picked up arms."

Q: Describe what happened at the Battle of Trenton and include who won.
A: “George Washington's men put fireworks on for the other side to think they were still partying but they actually snuck over the Delaware River and attacked them."

[And THAT'S why we celebrate Independence Day with fireworks! But...not really.]

A: “I think Trenton had won the battle between Lexington.”



A: “I think it was when George crossed the ? River and attacked the British…surprise. The Continental Army did.”

[Do you love how they're on a first name basis with Mr. Washington? I do.]

A: “George Washington snook up on the Hessiens when it was Xmas”



A: “The Americans won! It was epic!”



A: “The British made Washington retreat. The Americans went across the Delaware River and it became a painting**. Washington won.”

**The Painting in question. Found here.

Q: How did the Revolutionary War change America?
A: "The Revolutionary war changed America by helping its people know that one by one they suck but united they can rock the world wide."
[Let it be noted that this is the last question on the test, and I think the student in question had reached a breaking point since he'd only attempted answers on 8 of the 21 questions. Thus I'm sure in some ways the Revolutionary War does make him feel like he sucks. He doesn't suck, though I must confess his grasp of American history could probably be classified as 'sucky.']


And, with no further adieu, my absolute favorite!

Q: What year was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: Benjamin Franklin


What else is there to say? Goodnight, and Good luck.

Reflecting Back

On Wednesday I'll be leaving the middle school where I've worked for 5.5 years. I'm moving on to a new and exciting position at the District Office, and I'm really quite stoked about it. But the end of all things at SHMS has been pretty overwhelming. Cleaning out my classroom, preparing materials for the new teacher, and all whilst trying to balance the Holiday season...has been crazy.

But I still took some time to reflect back on my years at the Middle School. With no further adieu--what I'll miss. And, as this is from me, a rundown of those things I most definitely will NOT.

What I Will Miss:

• My faculty buddies from B Lunch and C Lunch
• My laptop
• Random treats from the administration or friends
• Scaring 7th Graders
  
• My truly awesome classroom with the sweet mounted LCD projector
• Cameron H., Damon M., Courtney C., and my entire 1st period.
• Having a captive audience to listen to my stories
• Creating awesome lesson plans and unit plans (And yes, mine are usually awesome.)
• The annual hilarity from the Civil War and Revolutionary War final exams

What I Will NOT Miss:

• Parents
• Back to School Night and Parent Teacher Conferences
• IEP, 504, and other parent meetings (many of which are entirely unnecessary.)
• 8th Period announcements
• The Talent Show assembly; the Dance Assembly; Assemblies as a general rule
• The Copy Room full of copiers that never work
• Grading essays
• Filling requests for assignments for sick or suspended students...and never getting any work back.
• Faculty Meetings

Be it happy or sad, I can't deny its happening--so on to the next adventure life is throwing at me! When I report to work after Christmas, I'll be sitting in a cubicle in the District Office. Huh. Put it that way and an hour-long faculty meeting might be starting to look pretty good...

Just kidding.

First Impressions

I asked my 8th graders to write a 1-page response paper on their first few days of school. I suggested they could share their thoughts on any of their classes or they could just focus on my class and even on me as their teacher. I emphasized that I would never grade their response papers on the content, but rather on their ability to think and write about their thoughts.

That being said--a few gems:

"Your hair is like the Mad Hatter's in Alice in Wonderland."



"...and make sure you get a boyfriend by the end of the year so maybe you would give us less work."



"You should go out with Mr. Howard [student teacher from last year]."



"By the way my thirty seven and thirty nine year old aunts are still single so there is still hope for you."

Rather than be offended, these make me really, really happy. I think our future year together looks very bright, indeed.

The Battle of Bunker Hill? Really?

Its Civil War Test time again!! And this year I got a lot of correct answers. Really! For the most part--the most part--the students were factually correct. YAY! This year's weird answers mainly came in the form of the illogical, not-to-be-understood ramblings of the 8th grade mind.

Remember that old SNL Celebrity Jeopardy episode that goes something like: "Mr. Connery, you answered? Half of your hand. And your bid is...the other half of your hand. We've reached a new low."? Well, take a look at my favorite test this year.

Side one of the test: A tracing of his hand.

Side two: A RAINBOW tracing of his hand!

We have reached a new low.

Here's a sampling of a few other favorites:

“[Lincoln] got assassinated by John Wilkes Booth. This left John Adams as our president.”
(Shazaam! TIME TRAVEL!)

“President Abraham Lincoln’s inauguration was sort of like a treat to the South”
(A treat that makes you decide its time to secede...)

“Announcements by Lincoln made Confederates mad or even happy about war.”
(Just like giving her a zero made me mad...or even happy?)

“The South wasn’t very social cause they couldn’t talk to some cause they lived so far apart.”
(And they didn't have text messaging either!!)

Concerning Reconstruction: “Even though there was a lot of sadness, there was also happiness”
(Glad we cleared that up!)

“Another [disadvantage of the north] is they were the one’s who didn’t always know where the other side was.”
(That does make fighting each other rather difficult)

“The generals and the leaders were all good fighters but they really didn’t want to fight but that was because they were shy or something but they were very good fighters that’s what president Abraham Lincoln said.”
(Huh?)

“Lincoln…got assassinated in the early 1900’s”
(Time Travel AGAIN!)

"The battle that started the war was Battle of Bunker Hill."
(Um...no. That battle didn't start ANY war, actually.)

“Slaves were freed and later became Generals who became more.”
(What?)

“There were also teaching restrictions for them [Black Americans]; if there was one black in a room full of whites, that teacher would be shot.”
(Well, it could be...um...yeah. No idea. Yet again.)

“At the end of the war, General Lee and President Johnson sat down at the Church hall and had a meeting.”
(I'm going to chalk this one up to Civil War fan fiction)

“The final straw was Lincoln’s election because of his veins.”
(I have no response for this. None.)

“The Union were a bunch of pretty boys that didn’t use guns a lot.”
(HA HA HA!!! Sorry. But that's just funny.)

“One major huge event that changed the war was Abraham Lincoln!.…He was the Mickle Jordan of the war, and it made the south scared.”
(He’s an event now? I want to be an event. I want to be a Mickle Jordan of an event!)

Sweet Justice

I had a substitute teacher take my classes yesterday while I judged the State "We the People" contest at the University of Utah. Upon returning this morning, I was dismayed to learn one of my class periods was "awful" and constantly disruptive despite numerous warnings from the sub.

Punishment was swift and severe.

Instead of the study hall day we had planned, the naughty class took a test. The subject of the video they were to have watched yesterday was "Benjamin Franklin: Citizen of the World." The disruptive students were assigned a 2-page essay test in which to detail all they know about Mr. Franklin's life.

Students who were on task and quietly watched yesterday's video as instructed had this test:

Color Benjamin Franklin

All in all, I think justice has been served, don't you? [Insert evil laugh]

F for Failure

I just finished the Civil War Unit with my 8th Graders. Overall, I think it went really well. I added in a bunch of new primary source documents, a couple videos, and some great class discussions. I think the additions did a lot to help their understanding.

Or...at least I thought so. Tonight I was correcting 7th period's tests and discovered a number of errors in their thinking that make me want to cry. Or at least hit them over the head with our textbook a few times, and demand they apologize for these ghastly offenses against America's history:

"The North was for slaves and the South was against them."

"The battle of Gettysburg was interesting. Only a horse died--no men. The horse's head fell off or something."
(I assume then that the label ''bloodiest battle in American history'' must have been coined by PETA)

"During the war, Washington decided to set a couple slaves free because they were not told that they were freed because their leaders wouldn't let the slaves become soldiers too."
(Don't ask me how Washington showed up in this war. I'm just the teacher.)

"General Lee was for the Union."
(Ai-yi-yi...)

"My own opinion, the north were the good people."
(I docked her points for her opinion. Because it is wrong.)

"The North had more factories and businesses which made them more reliant on slaves. Slaves were a big issue. The North wanted slaves but the South disagreed. The South was more farm land, they did use some slave labor but not as much as the North."
(And commence wondering if she attended class this quarter at all...)

"The Confederacy didn't really win any of the battles but they won a couple."
(Not only factually incorrect, but also illogical!)

"Lincoln said he would rather be assassinated than see Blacks treated like slaves."
(I'd ask her to cite her source, but I doubt 'cite' or 'source' are in her vocabulary)

"Abraham Lincoln wrote a confusing document but its very well known now."*
(Touche')

No "Teacher of the Year" award for me this year, but at least I stopped short of writing mocking comments off to the side of their answers. Baby steps.

*It should be noted that all of these answers came from only 5 students--none of whom you'd consider the brightest crayon in the box.

Back to the Grind

Winter break is over. I give a giant sigh of resignation and get out of bed. I feel like poo. The night held all of five hours of sleep (if that) since I'm not used to falling asleep before midnight and the beginnings of a sinus infection seem to have taken hold around 4 am. I get up and ready and force down a bowl of shredded wheat before my stomach can think too much about tossing it back up at me.

I arrive at school just before 7:00 am, giving myself an hour to actually prep for the day. Unbelievably, there is already a line in the copy room but I do get copies done before school starts. I get the boards ready. I get papers out for the kids to pick up. I get READY.

And then it begins. 8:00 am. Here we go.

I am pleased to discover a few things:
1. I remember everyone's name and even where they sit.
2. My lesson plan I put together a week and a half ago is actually working and I remember what I'm supposed to say.
3. I don't want to die in the first hour.
4. I don't feel any sort of hatred toward the students.
5. I didn't lose my voice entirely.

Let's see if this lasts. Four more days 'til the weekend.