You Know Who You Are

Friday night I organized an evening at the baseball stadium with friends. Go see the Bees play, eat a hot dog, enjoy the warm spring evening. As it was, I bailed on my own outing. First off, turns out nobody likes to do things I organize. The only person who agreed to go was my roommate, Erin. That was fine. We decided to stop in at Pine Needles at Gardner Village (a brilliant fabric store you will quickly fall in love with if you go) for their Fat Quarters sale. This led me to purchase 12 fat quarters and the pattern to a lovely quilt I'm going to make this summer. Our shopping at Pine Needles made us run a little late. And then we realized we were dressed similarly (tshirts, plaid shorts and brown sandals)...and we quickly concluded a Girls Only Date Night to a sporting event in matching outfits was either too butch or too weird (take your pick) and we'd best do something else with our Friday evening. I read a book, ate some food and hated on my computer a bit before turning in.

BUT WAIT!!

The story doesn't end there. Via the lovely social network I like to call "Facebook," I discovered a plethora of friends and acquaintances who did, in fact, attend the Bees Game on Friday. They watched the game, probably ate hot dogs and enjoyed the warm spring evening...while I didn't. Considering this is a family "show," I'll try to keep this clean but WTF?!!! Okay, so not entirely clean but that's pretty much what I'm shoutin'. Had I known y'all were going to the game, I would have been there. Text messaging is well loved because it is quick and easy to use, right? So is it too much to ask that you hit the reply button and say, "Cool! A bunch of us are already planning on going so we'll see you there." Really? Too much to ask, World of Friends? You people suck.

Before any of you sweet readers try to point out the obvious, I am well aware the other possible answer is that the people in question really didn't want me to join them at the baseball game. Perhaps they purposely chose not to reply and secretly hoped I wouldn't show up. If this is the case, I bite my thumb at you. And I hope you got a kick out of it because yes--I feel properly rejected and hated upon.

And I still want a hot dog. Real bad.

Good call

I was driving home from the gym this morning and noticed a woman running down the road wearing a racing bib. Her number was 283. There was a man running about 25 feet behind her with no bib. I realized she was the only one on the road wearing a racing bib which begs the question, "What race is she in?" I suspect there isn't a race. I suspect she's just wearing the racing bib for her own sake to which I say, "Brilliant." I have lots of old racing bibs filed away somewhere waiting for me to scrapbook them at some future date (i.e. Probably Never). The thing is, wearing a racing bib ups your cool points by like 200%. Not only do you run, you RACE. Expect to see me racing through your neighborhood sometime soon.

F for Failure

I just finished the Civil War Unit with my 8th Graders. Overall, I think it went really well. I added in a bunch of new primary source documents, a couple videos, and some great class discussions. I think the additions did a lot to help their understanding.

Or...at least I thought so. Tonight I was correcting 7th period's tests and discovered a number of errors in their thinking that make me want to cry. Or at least hit them over the head with our textbook a few times, and demand they apologize for these ghastly offenses against America's history:

"The North was for slaves and the South was against them."

"The battle of Gettysburg was interesting. Only a horse died--no men. The horse's head fell off or something."
(I assume then that the label ''bloodiest battle in American history'' must have been coined by PETA)

"During the war, Washington decided to set a couple slaves free because they were not told that they were freed because their leaders wouldn't let the slaves become soldiers too."
(Don't ask me how Washington showed up in this war. I'm just the teacher.)

"General Lee was for the Union."
(Ai-yi-yi...)

"My own opinion, the north were the good people."
(I docked her points for her opinion. Because it is wrong.)

"The North had more factories and businesses which made them more reliant on slaves. Slaves were a big issue. The North wanted slaves but the South disagreed. The South was more farm land, they did use some slave labor but not as much as the North."
(And commence wondering if she attended class this quarter at all...)

"The Confederacy didn't really win any of the battles but they won a couple."
(Not only factually incorrect, but also illogical!)

"Lincoln said he would rather be assassinated than see Blacks treated like slaves."
(I'd ask her to cite her source, but I doubt 'cite' or 'source' are in her vocabulary)

"Abraham Lincoln wrote a confusing document but its very well known now."*
(Touche')

No "Teacher of the Year" award for me this year, but at least I stopped short of writing mocking comments off to the side of their answers. Baby steps.

*It should be noted that all of these answers came from only 5 students--none of whom you'd consider the brightest crayon in the box.

What the H?!

Over the weekend I watched Twilight for the fourth time. I mention the number not to open myself up for ridicule, but rather to make it clear that I have done my homework. I have watched this movie four times, in varying circumstances, by myself and with different people, and I can state with a clear conscience that Twilight is a terrible movie.

I know some of you are chortling because you came to that conclusion after one viewing or even without seeing it once. Whatever. I gave this movie the benefit of the doubt. The first time. The second time. The third time. And even a fourth time. Heck, I gave this a massive benefit worthy of a charity gala. And it failed me. Each time I tuned into the opening scene with its bizarre animal rushing through the forest and thought, "I love this story. Yay for a movie version!" And every time I spent the film laughing at the movie or moaning in embarrassment for it.

The acting is terrible. The vampire makeup is awful. The storyline is boring. And did I mention the acting is terrible? Overall, its just Not Good.

And I blame Stephenie Meyer.

I do. It is her fault this movie is a debacle--not the director, screenwriter, actors, producers or Summit Entertainment. As the creator of the bestselling book series, it was her prerogative to allow a film to be made. With that sort of privilege, she could have been choosy about the script. She could have been picky about the actors. She could have made a fuss about maintaining some creative control over the movie. Others in her position have done just that, and wicked awesome movie magic has been the result almost every time.

Instead of standing up for her book and her characters and insisting on a movie that delivered on the magic brilliance of the novel, Twilight, Meyer sold out. I can only imagine she was so flattered at the idea of somebody taking her little vampire romance and putting it on the big screen that she took the check and "nodded and smiled" all the way through the process. Her only bargaining chip must have been, "I just want a cameo in the movie. Everything else is up to you." Hearing her warmly endorse the film leads me to think she hasn't actually read her own story. Did she honestly imagine her vampire hero, Edward, as sullen, moody, and badly acted?

Its a well known fact that movies are never as good as the books, but its unnecessary to try and make the statement true. The Twilight books are captivating, character-driven novels. They are books Stephenie Meyer should be proud to have written--she's a good author. Her books are bestsellers because they are good. Not classic literature--just good, entertaining fiction.

And I defy anyone who has read (or written) and loved the Twilight books to claim the movie got anywhere near capturing even the spirit of the story. Boo on you, Stephenie Meyer. I love your books, but your movie sucks.

O-leeee! Ole! Ole! O-leeee!

Last weekend I went to my first ever Major League Soccer Game--Real Salt Lake vs. New England Revolution. It was awesome. I am hooked. I want to go to another game ASAP. Anyone in?

Sitting in the stands with friends and thousands of other fans...I quickly concluded that soccer is awesome. And it is a much better spectator sport than basketball. I compared it to basketball only because the soccer game was the same night as a Jazz Game, and a number of friends abandoned Rio Tinto Stadium to go watch the bball game. I think leaving was a mistake (especially since the Jazz lost and the REAL scored 6 goals!) and so, as a public service, I present the Top 5 Reasons Why Soccer is Better Than Basketball...from a spectator's perspective.

1. The Clock: The time clock in a soccer game NEVER stops. Isn't that awesome?! So a 45 minute half is really going to take about...45 minutes. Other sports should consider this. Its brilliant.

2. Substitutions: According to my little bro, each team in a soccer game can only make 3 substitutions per game. That means the majority of players have to play the ENTIRE game! 90 minutes! This gives me new respect for the players. That is hardcore--running up and down a giant field for an hour and a half? Brilliant.

3. The Fans: Soccer Fans are crazy. And by crazy I mean "Totally Wicked Awesome." The fans on the south end of the stadium beat on a drum--or on multiple drums--NONSTOP. And that is not an exaggeration. It was fantastic and made for a great time in the stands.

4. The Athletes: This is entirely personal, but I think soccer players are more interesting/attractive/awesome than basketball players. Their uniforms (which Sam tells me are known as 'kits') are sweet. In America, soccer players are likely to have fascinating names like Larentowicz and Movsisyan. That's cool. And they're so fit! Refer back to their hardcore nature discussed in #2...

5. GOAL! The number one reason I prefer soccer to basketball--the scoring. Scoring a goal in a soccer game can take the entire game. You might only see one or two (or none) in an entire game. Therefore, as a fan, you get to go CRAAAAZZYY when they do score. Its a minutes-long celebration! We sing! We dance! We cheer! Fabulous.

So go see a soccer game. Its brilliant.