What the H?!

Over the weekend I watched Twilight for the fourth time. I mention the number not to open myself up for ridicule, but rather to make it clear that I have done my homework. I have watched this movie four times, in varying circumstances, by myself and with different people, and I can state with a clear conscience that Twilight is a terrible movie.

I know some of you are chortling because you came to that conclusion after one viewing or even without seeing it once. Whatever. I gave this movie the benefit of the doubt. The first time. The second time. The third time. And even a fourth time. Heck, I gave this a massive benefit worthy of a charity gala. And it failed me. Each time I tuned into the opening scene with its bizarre animal rushing through the forest and thought, "I love this story. Yay for a movie version!" And every time I spent the film laughing at the movie or moaning in embarrassment for it.

The acting is terrible. The vampire makeup is awful. The storyline is boring. And did I mention the acting is terrible? Overall, its just Not Good.

And I blame Stephenie Meyer.

I do. It is her fault this movie is a debacle--not the director, screenwriter, actors, producers or Summit Entertainment. As the creator of the bestselling book series, it was her prerogative to allow a film to be made. With that sort of privilege, she could have been choosy about the script. She could have been picky about the actors. She could have made a fuss about maintaining some creative control over the movie. Others in her position have done just that, and wicked awesome movie magic has been the result almost every time.

Instead of standing up for her book and her characters and insisting on a movie that delivered on the magic brilliance of the novel, Twilight, Meyer sold out. I can only imagine she was so flattered at the idea of somebody taking her little vampire romance and putting it on the big screen that she took the check and "nodded and smiled" all the way through the process. Her only bargaining chip must have been, "I just want a cameo in the movie. Everything else is up to you." Hearing her warmly endorse the film leads me to think she hasn't actually read her own story. Did she honestly imagine her vampire hero, Edward, as sullen, moody, and badly acted?

Its a well known fact that movies are never as good as the books, but its unnecessary to try and make the statement true. The Twilight books are captivating, character-driven novels. They are books Stephenie Meyer should be proud to have written--she's a good author. Her books are bestsellers because they are good. Not classic literature--just good, entertaining fiction.

And I defy anyone who has read (or written) and loved the Twilight books to claim the movie got anywhere near capturing even the spirit of the story. Boo on you, Stephenie Meyer. I love your books, but your movie sucks.