Bete Noire or Personal Vexation

I am a woman of many pet peeves. High on the list: people who waste my time and people who start their talks in church by saying, “I was asked to speak on ________.” But last night I was reminded again of my Theater Pet Peeves. (You know you have many—or even too many—pet peeves when you can categorize them…)

I’m an admitted Theatre Snob. I enjoy quality theatre and I’m willing to pay to see a well-done show. I generally avoid community theater at all costs. By "community theater,” I mean shows put on by local art councils and small neighborhood groups. The worst show I have EVER seen (thus far) was at the Draper Historic Theater, produced by the Draper Arts Council. Their rendition of Rodgers and Hammerstein's “Cinderella” was laughably bad. The fly didn’t cover the sides of the stage so every scene was lit by a faint green glow from the Emergency Exit sign backstage left. I think the director even inserted lines in the script so her grandson or neighbor boy could have something to say. BAD. We left at intermission, and I’ve never regretted that decision. Really, I suspect the mere existence of Community Theatre could be a pet peeve in and of itself.

My other Theatre Pet Peeves, (aka Amusing Annoyances From the World of Utah Community Theatre) revolve around the curtain call. First, I take issue with clapping in unison, in time with the beat as the actors take their bows. What is that all about?! We’re supposed to be applauding the performance of the actors, not encouraging a pair of square dancers. I have yet to settle on a theory to explain this particular phenomenon, but its alive and well in the greater Salt Lake area. I always engage in my own personal rebellion and clap only when someone is actually making a curtain call. Or, when I’m in really high spirits, I’ll add my own reggae-like, on the off-beat, claps to mix the sound up a bit. Try it. I guarantee you’ll like it.

But the Theatre Pet Peeve that bugs more than anything else is The Unnecessary Standing Ovation. Utahns seem to have never been taught what the Standing Ovation is supposed to mean. Giving a show a Standing Ovation suggests it’s a cut above most everything else. It’s so good, you can’t stand to stay in your seat. Mere applause are not enough to express your gratitude and enjoyment of the performance. To put it bluntly, most shows don’t deserve a Standing Ovation. But I think most Utahns believe there’s an asterisk next to that little theatre rule that reads,

*EXCEPT IN UTAH. ALL SHOWS PERFORMED IN UTAH MUST BE GIVEN A STANDING OVATION. IF THE AUDIENCE DOES NOT SPONTANEOUSLY RISE TO THEIR FEET AT THE END OF A PERFORMANCE, ALL PERFORMERS WILL DIE AN EARLY, IGNOMINIOUS DEATH. YOU DON’T WANT THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE, NOW DO YOU?

Really? REALLY?!

I can’t stand when mediocre shows get a standing ovation. I think unnecessary standing ovations are lessening the impact of a real Standing Ovation. For example, I saw the Broadway touring company of Little Women: The Musical in Salt Lake a few years back and it was A-MAZING. We gave them a Standing Ovation and they deserved it. But what did the actors think? Were they flattered and did they feel appreciated? Or did they think, “This is Utah. We could have used a record and hand puppets and the fools would have stood up and cheered. Uncultured swine.”

Last night the standing ovation reached a new low—a "Standing O" given because of Name Recognition, not talent. Granted, the show was quite good (The Civil War at Hale Centre Theatre), but the Unnecessary Standing Ovation this time was mainly directed at Merrill Osmond. Yes, he’s one of THE Osmond Brothers and yes he’s got his own website (but really, who doesn’t these days?), but he honestly wasn’t that good. I was disappointed. The other “General” outsang him on every note and every bar. If anyone was going to get a standing ovation (and come on…you know they will), it should have been that guy.

For the record, I didn’t stand up. I remained in my seat, placidly applauding the show as a whole. And my date didn’t make a move to join the uncultured hoards, either. Bonus points to him.