Peter Pan Syndrome?

When do we officially “grow up”? Is there a specific age at which you become grown up? The government says we’re adults somewhere between 18 and 21, but does being an adult mean the same thing as being a grown up? While we’re kids, we talk often of what we’ll do “when we grow up.” But I wonder how long can we talk about that before we have to actually do it. In Disney’s The Kid, Amy says, “We can't go around talking about what we are going to be when we grow up....We are up!” But how does one know they’re “up”?

I’ve been thinking a lot on this subject lately. As the new school year starts. I’m reminded again that my 8th graders obviously see me as a grown up. Yes, a few of them have told me I’m not like a lot of other “grown ups,” but in their eyes I’m obviously one of the older crowd. This idea sort of fascinates me. Because in my mind—I’m not a grown up. I feel more like a teenager with money to spare.

So is “grown up” an age? Or a situation? Or perhaps even a state of mind? I’m already 25 and I don’t feel grown up. I’m inclined to think growing up has little to do with an age mark. Situation seems more likely. A few weeks ago while floating down an icy canal in Idaho, and remarking that my students wouldn’t believe this was how I—a supposed grown up!—spent my weekend, Ryan suggested you didn’t really grow up until you had kids. Of course, neither Ryan nor I have kids so we can’t confirm this idea. It could be true in some cases, but I also know some mothers and fathers who are incredibly immature and I can’t believe they’ve grown up yet.

Tangenting for a moment (because that’s what I do)—I think there are some people who become grown ups and it doesn’t make any difference. They were boring unimaginative children, and now they’re boring unimaginative adults. I pity these people. I guess in my mind, “growing up” is really a state of moving on from childish things—dreams, fantasies, play time, etc. This is why there are senior citizens who still aren’t technically “grown ups.”

So if “growing up” really is a state of mind, we decide--either consciously or unconsciously--to grow up. At some point, the vast majority of people become grown ups. For some grown ups the point comes with getting a real job. Other grown ups become such when they have kids. But a small percentage of people never make the leap into "grown up"-hood.

I sort of hope I'm in that percentage. I don’t want to move beyond the part of me that loves Disneyland, Harry Potter sheets, sleepovers, and still believes in Santa. If growing up is a state of mind, we can do “grown up” things and still feel like a kid inside. I can put money in my 401K, stick to a budget, and make sure I eat my vegetables--and still build forts, eat ice cream for dinner, and sing along to The Little Mermaid anytime I want to.

And I think that is what makes my Adult life so very, very cool.