A Few Quick Notes

Dear Jonagold Apple-

I'm writing to express my displeasure in your general state of being. An apple should be crisp and break off into big chunks in my mouth when I bite into it. When I bite into your reddish-gold flesh I instead get a less-than-satisfying slushy pull of apple-ness. Boo. Shape up, please. SHAPE UP.

*me*
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Dear Sacramento Cab Company--

The airport is really close to my hotel. Really. It took us all of 15 minutes to get there. So why the $40 fare, cab company? That's ridiculous. I took a no-name white van shuttle service back to the airport for less than $20--in case you wondered why I didn't call for a ride back to the airport on Saturday. Boo on you and your ridiculous fares.

*me*
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Dear Philadelphian--

Your restaurant is gross. There is grease and all sort of nasty all over the place; I fear I'll contract a disease when I'm still 20 feet from the front door. Be that as it may...I will still be darkening your door regularly because you make one dang good sandwich! I applaud you for that and offer my most fervent thanks for an absolutely incredible meal Saturday night. I still might suggest cleaning the place up a bit...but then, it does give y'all some character.

*me*
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Dear SyFy--

I adore your new show Being Human. The combination of ghost, werewolf and vampire is absolutely absurd and I should be embarrassed by this but I seriously LOVE IT. What do I not love about this? Explain the silly block on Hulu, Syfy. Why do I have to wait 30 DAYS for a new episode? 30 DAYS! I thought we were better friends than that. Lame, Syfy. LAAAAAAME.

*me*
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Dear Cream Cheese frosting--

Never change.

*me*
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Dear Disneyland--

I miss you. I miss your churros, Toy Story Mania madness, parades, and overall happy vibe. Its been far too long since we've been friends. I think we both agree this is a tragedy. Do you have any ideas on how to remedy this situation soon?

Keep on with the magic--and see what you can do about having Corn Dog Castle open next time we get together.

*me*
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Dear Sydney Carton-

You are the Bomb-Diggety--especially as fictional characters go.

*me*
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Dear Universe--

Life is currently AWESOME (minus a few bad Jonagold apples and things of that sort). Your focus and attention to detail is exemplary--the UFO "coincidence" was BRILLIANT. Keep up the good work!

*me*